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Barney the Bandicoot
From "Animal Tails and Stories"

Down "Down-under," ’way "Out Back," Where the river flows, the eucalyptus grows.
In a cozy den, in the giant roots, There’s a furry family of bandicoots!
Bandicoots! Bandicoots! Skinny tails and pointy snoots!
After the kids were born, they stayed in Mama’s pouch, So they’d be all grown strong when they adventured out.
She heard the smallest talking, that very day. He told her, "My name’s Barney, and I’m bound to say,
"I may be just a bandi-pup, but wait and see when I grow up!

Dressed up in uniform, I’ll be a bandi-cop! And when my whistle blows, I’ll make the traffic stop!
I might drive a railroad train, or pilot an aeroplane! Hey! Mom! I’ll wear a fire hat,
And with my hook and ladder, save the burning building!
Turning that siren ’round, until the fire’s out!"

Mama Bandicoot was very wise, Loved that fire burnin’ deep in Barney’s eyes.
She said, "Remember, Son, no matter what you do, Nobody’s better than a bandicoot!
Bandicoot! Bandicoot! Skinny tail and pointy snoot!"
She gave him books to read. She taught him wrong from right,
Helped with his A B C’s, and tucked him in at night.
She told him bedtime stories, ’bout the days of old, When evil dragons fell before the knights so bold!
He sat up tall, and filled with pride, he said, "Hey, Mom!" with eyes so wide,
"Why can’t a bandicoot become a movie star?
I’m oh, so bandi-cute, I think I might go far!
All made up like Robin Hood, I’ll ride into Hollywood!
I’ll star as ‘Barney Bandi-Hood,’ defender
Of all the animals in Sherwood Forest --
With my band of kangaroos, emus, and bandicoots!"

All of the wallabies, and wombats, too,
Met with the gray koalas and the kangaroos.
They said, "Barney’s gone and earned his way to school!
If bandicoots can do it, we can too!
Bandicoots! Bandicoots! Skinny tails and pointy snoots!"
He made the honor roll, and studied hard each night.
He wrote his mama letters, saying, "I’m all right."
He said, "At last I’ve found what I would like to be.
Just call me ‘Barney Bandicoot, M.D.!’
If all my dreams come true one day, It’s ’cause you hugged me when I’d say,

Dressed up in uniform, I’ll be a bandi-cop! And when my whistle blows, I’ll make the traffic stop!
I might drive a railroad train, or pilot an aeroplane! Hey! Mom! I’ll wear a fire hat,
And with my hook and ladder, save the burning building!
Turning that siren ’round, until the fire’s out!"

Copyright 1989, Scott Hooper

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